OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
