my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
