thus making me awesome and them whores
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are two peas in an std pod
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
