Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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