A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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