y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
