End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
