take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
