3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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