a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
