she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wear drunk well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
