OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize