Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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