i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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