I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize