Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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