i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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