My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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