3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
