Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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