Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
