i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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