So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
