I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
