Four minutes until I can fart!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?