ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
