Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.