The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.