The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its about making memories worth repressing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.