I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.