I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.