I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."