Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
