Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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