Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
