I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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