I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
