i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize