Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
