he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
