Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
