Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
