Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
