Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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