Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
