I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Still dying that you shit outside
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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