We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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