Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
