he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
