Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
