So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
