I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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