what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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