That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
