When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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