you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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