Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
