Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
