Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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