Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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