That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
