haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
