How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
