Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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