peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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