I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
