I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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