We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
