Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
