my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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