Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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