mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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