Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk is not a location!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
