did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My cat gives me a boner
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
