he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
