"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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