OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
