walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
