Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
