I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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