I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."