Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
