Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
