Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
