they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
